He is not my possession

It has been a hard weekend in my house.  On Saturday morning the Metro Nashville Police department lost a officer in the line of duty.  While I was on Facebook that morning I saw a post that an officer was down but no one posted who it was or where it was.  This suddenly made my heart leap because Craig was on duty.  I immediately sent him a text msg and waited.  6 minutes later when he had not replied I texted him again, now getting very scared.  For the next 45 minutes I sat waiting for him to respond not knowing if it was Craig that was hurt.  Finally I got a text from him letting me know he was OK and sorry it took so long but he was on the side of the freeway and could not reply.

For the rest of the afternoon my heart just ached and hurt for the officer that died.  His name was Michael Petrina and he was 25.  He was hit by a car while working a wreck on the side of the interstate.  As I sat on my couch thinking about how scared I had been, the reality that it could easily have been Craig hit me.  I kept thanking the Lord for his safety and how much I love him.  Craig got home and we talked and enjoyed a nice family evening together.

Yesterday our church celebrated Mother's day and I enjoyed such a nice morning at church.  During our service we did a baby dedication.  During this dedication our Director of Children's Ministry, Beth Howe talked about why as parents do we dedicate our children to the Lord.  What she said did not really strike me until later and then the Lord used it to help me renew my perspective.  Beth talked about how our children are not our possession for us to own but they are given to us to care for and raise to be Christ followers.  As I thought back over what Beth talked about the Lord began to turn it and put it in the perspective of my husband.

Craig is not my possession or something I own.  I am not his possession or something he owns.  We are life partners in this world that the Lord has placed together to love, encourage, strengthen, sharpen and equip each other as we walk through life together.  My husband truly is my world and each time on Saturday morning if I let the thought of him not coming home creep in if for only a second I burst into tears. However, the Lord began to take what Beth had said and apply it to my marriage.  You see Craig is not a cop because it is cool or fun.  He is a cop because he feels called to be one.  He strives each day to create relationships with the people he interacts with reaffirming that the police are there to help and protect.  His goal each day is to protect those in Nashville, show them the love of Jesus through his actions and then come home at the end of the day.  It is truly who he is.

I began to realize that it does not matter what happens or what scares me, the Lord has called my husband into law enforcement and I must trust the Lord with that calling no matter the outcome.  I am blessed with such great friends who love and support us.  I talked with two of my fellow police wives yesterday and found such great encouragement and bonding.  We all felt the fear but love and support our husbands in their calling.  Just like those parents at church who were dedicating their children back to the Lord, I realized that I needed to pause and dedicate Craig back to the Lord.  He is not mine, he belongs to God.  I am just privileged to walk beside him daily, support him, pray for him, love him and enjoy raising our girls together with him.  If the Lord ever chooses to take Craig early there is nothing I can do to stop that, but I can always have the assurance that the Lord will always provide for us.

I ended my day yesterday thinking of this verse.

“This is why I tell you: Don’t worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Isn't life more than food and the body more than clothing?  Look at the birds of the sky: They don’t sow or reap or gather into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren't you worth more than they?  

Can any of you add a single cubit to his height by worrying?  And why do you worry about clothes? Learn how the wildflowers of the field grow: they don’t labor or spin thread.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was adorned like one of these!  If that’s how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and thrown into the furnace tomorrow, won’t He do much more for you—you of little faith?  So don’t worry, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’  For the idolaters eagerly seek all these things, 

and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you.  Therefore don’t worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Matthew 6:25-34

I love this whole passage because it is a perfect picture about how we worry.  I was reminded that if I worry about every little thing each time Craig walks out of the house on duty then I will worry myself sick.  Instead, I need to remember that the Lord called my husband, he is protecting my husband and it is my job to focus on today because what happens tomorrow is the Lord's problem and not mine.  

I love how when I woke up this morning I had such wonderful peace, wished Craig a good shift, asked the Lord to protect him and began to build today to-do list.  It is easy for us to worry about the people in our lives, but the Lord encourages and reminds us they are not our possessions they belong to the Lord.  We just need to believe that and give them back.