Parent Fail

In my last post I talked about the wisdom of children in their simple understanding of salvation and Jesus.  As I type this I am smiling because this post is so very different.  There are some things in this journey called life I wish there were easy answers to.  Like how to make your children listen the first time.  How to get them to respond to you when you are speaking if they are not nose to nose with you.  How to get them to brush their teeth daily without them arguing with you...yes it happens in this house.

Each morning before we start school I sit down in my office, check email and have my "Jesus Time".  This is when I spend time in the Bible doing my personal study, do my blog writing and enjoy following different encouraging bloggers or magazine articles.  Lately it seems that the moment I sit down to really give my heart to the Lord, my children come barreling through.  I remind them it is my Jesus time and they say OK...until 5 minutes later and the other does the same thing.

Part of the reason I am smiling as I write this is because for the 5th day in a row this has happened and my scripture today was James 1:19.

"Understand this my brothers and sisters: 

You must be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry."

After reading this my girls began to fight with each other right in my office over whether one would play with the other.  Never mind they needed to make their beds, get dressed, brush their teeth and prep for school.  In that moment I wish I could say that I calmly spoke to my girls and sent them on their way...uh no.  I totally lost my temper and let frustration get the best of me.  Then once I they had left I turned back to my study and realized exactly what my lesson was about today.  Oh my...parent fail.  

As I sat frustrated with myself, desiring the calm measure to respond in a more constructive manner I realized how broken my life is.  My girls and I have spent the last few weeks talking and focusing on our need for Jesus.  How our world is broken with sin and only Jesus can save us and make us pure before the Lord.  It was a moment where all I could do was tell Jesus that I am failing right now with my frustration and I need His help.  I am broken and with out His grace, wisdom and guidance I will continue to fail as a parent.

So I realized that I have also not given my girls the structure they need in the morning to keep our house running as it needs to.  I realized that I have let our homeschool life slack to such a relaxed level that my girls are pushing in areas they should know better.  So as I have been typing this the Lord has given me a plan.  When I have my Jesus time in the morning I will close my office door and they will be told that unless there is bleeding or injury they are not to interrupt.  On the flip side I think I will use Kathryn's love of lists and begin making them a morning check list and once it is completed, then they can have their free time before school.  I am all about rewards and consequences and I know that if I do these two things and tie them with the girls use of electronics as a reward, then we may just find a happy medium.

I am learning that taking the life of our family off the beaten path and striving to not let it be driven and manipulated by this world's broken culture is hard.  Our children today are blessed with so much that I am beginning to think that there are times it is a hindrance and not a benefit.  As you can see from today's post I don't have it all figured out.  I am far from the perfect parent.  What I am is someone who is willing to lay my life out there to share all that the Lord is teaching me and my family, hoping that through our crazy life you might just find some tools and encouragement.